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Faith is renewable

It’s funny how you sometimes stumble upon great music. And if you’re lucky enough, you chance upon a song that speaks exactly where you are in your life and could ultimately change your life.

I was about to watch a bootleg copy of the movie “50/50”. I readied the disc in and did some last minute preparation (like a quick toilet break and deciding what food to munch on) for my movie night. While in the menu section, there was a song playing. I didn’t really pay attention to it. But it caught my interest enough to realize how soothing the music was. The voice of the singer is so calming and the melody, to inadequately describe it, is catchy. And then during the bridge part, I caught the words “All praise is to Allah”. And I immediately stopped what I was doing. I was now paying very close attention to it.

It hit me. It was an Islamic song in English and I assumed it was sung by a Muslim. Then I listened to the song again and this time I was already trying to catch every lyric of the song. And to my astonishment, almost every line speaks of what I am going through right now.

You see, I’m sort of slowly losing some of my “religious senses”. I used to be this really traditional religious, practicing Muslim who does everything by the Q’uran, without question. These days, for years now actually, I have been having some doubts, questions that I need answers to. I don’t exactly know when it started or don’t remember what happened to me that got me here but it happened. I was starting to “rebel” against every religious practice that I grew up doing; practices that made sense before but right now, they all seem to not make sense so much.

I am aware that this journey could either be just a phase I have to go through and eventually get me back to where I was and meant to be OR this could lead me to a complete abandonment of the religion I grew up embracing.

The truth is, I am now very distant from my faith. I have gotten rid of most of the basic Islamic practices. At times I feel guilty for doing that but at times, too, I feel nothing, like as if it’s the normal thing to do. Sometimes, I even get to a period where I don’t even think about it at all like it’s not an issue; like it’s not a dilemma that needs to be resolved.

Trust me, I am working hard to figure this out. It should take time I suppose. I couldn’t possibly put a deadline to it but I am certain sooner or later, I will get my answers. Don’t know how. Don’t know when. But it will happen.

I am not saying this song has changed me already but it gave me a kick, a new perspective that faith is indeed renewable. Through this song, I learned that people do get to that phase of faithlessness but ultimately in the end have ended up with a completely renewed and oftentimes greatly strengthened faith. This song is a song of hope, almost providing guidance to those who are currently battling religious struggles.

This, however, is a journey of singularity. Only I can go through it and it is only I who can get to the bottom of it.

I have been listening to this non-stop the whole night and could not seem to get enough of it. Some of the words pinch me so hard that I get the urge to sob. Guess it only goes to show how powerful, and meaningful, this song truly is.

I am copy/pasting the entire lyrics and highlighting the lines that describe where I am at/have been. And I am also embedding the video for you to listen.

I know this may well be a very personal article but I thank you for taking your time to read my story. Whatever answers I will get in the end, I sure am anxious to have them revealed to me.

Title: Thank You Allah (Alhamdulillah)

Artist: Maher Zain

I was so far from you
Yet to me you were always so close
I wandered lost in the dark
I closed my eyes toward the signs
You put in my way
I walked everyday
Further and further away from you
Ooooo Allah, you brought me home
I thank You with every breath I take.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

I never thought about
All the things you have given to me
I never thanked you once
I was too proud to see the truth
And prostrate to you

Until I took the first step
And that’s when you opened the doors for me
Now Allah, I realized what I was missing
By being far from you.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

Allah, I wanna thank You
I wanna thank you for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
And did you give me hope

O Allah, I wanna thank you
I wanna thank You for all the things that you’ve done
You’ve done for me through all my years I’ve been lost
You guided me from all the ways that were wrong
I wanna thank You for bringing me home

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah
All praises to Allah, All praises to Allah.

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This entry was posted on August 17, 2012 by in My Journal and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , .

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