I think I may have lost a thing or two

What's my future like? I just feel so lost.

I used to have a lot of passion before. I used to be good in a lot of things. I used to be so passionate about a lot of things. But I feel like they are fast slipping away. I feel like I am losing them bit by bit each day, if not already lost them.

Dancing would be the one I am really depressed about. You see, all through out my childhood up until senior high school, dancing defined me. I was, without bragging, known to be one of the best, if not the best dancer in school. And I myself can tell you that I was really good at it. There was nothing else that fulfilled me more than when I danced. No matter how poorly others perceived me in general, but when I danced, it was like they saw a different person in me. I literally transformed. It was also a form escape for me.

A couple of years ago, I tried reviving my passion for dancing. I knew I was gonna be rusty at first and just needed to keep trying until I get back my old form. But something felt different. It was never the same anymore. I didn’t feel the fire I used to have every time I step out to dance. I lost my dancing mojo. The realization struck me hard and eventually got me depressed. I thought to myself, I finally lost it. It’s gone. I regret the fact that I could have honed this great gift of mine but due to naive decisions, I let it die out. And although these days, I have accepted the fact that I may never have it back but still I miss it, terribly.

How could I have let it happen?

I also used to sing very well. But I wasn’t the best admittedly, far from the best. But I loved singing. But like dancing, I didn’t pursue singing and didn’t hone it. I can still sing okay but not as good as I used to. I also did try voice lessons but I think my voice has gotten too mature and could hardly hit high notes. I can still hit nice tunes but can’t belt out anymore.

How could I have let it happen?

I used to paint good before. But this one I lost earlier than singing and dancing.

How could I have let it happen?

Now, tennis is the only passion left that I still hang on to and I plan on to never letting it go. That is why I try and work so hard in jumpstarting my career as a tennis writer. I make sure that I get to write about tennis at least once a month. I need to establish myself first as a good tennis writer.

Two months ago, I started contacting online magazines and newspapers and submitting samples of my work and asked them if they could publish my work. One online magazine has already responded and just asked me to do some revisions on one of my articles. Little by little, ever so patiently, I am building a career out of something I know I am already passionate about. And I am not about to lose this one, not like I did with my past passions.

This will ultimately save my sanity. I have been in this road full of disappointments. I never get my way, ever. And it has been really frustrating. There were times however that I literally gave up aspiring for any thing. But each and every time, somehow, I find a reason to continue on even if in the end I did not succeed. Maybe I am really stronger than what I give myself credit for.

But until this dream becomes a reality, I may need to stick with this really stressful and tiring job I have right now. Anyone wanna buy a multi-million dollar condo?


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