Hello. My name is Parvis.

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Same shit, different day

Up until college, I was never too worried about anything really. I was just a happy-go-lucky bloke who just wanted to spend most of his time with his friends doing silly things like vandalizing the school, breaking bathroom mirrors with a rock, getting into fights, disrespecting and cursing at teachers, going to school drunk…you know…typical stuff that teenagers do.Then college happened.

Now, you are faced with making long-term decisions like what course to take to ensure a good future. This is what fucked me up. It took a lot of my time just deciding what to take finally and this cost me several more years in college to graduate. I had no fucking idea what to take, really.

What frustrates me even more is that I only learned of short courses in the arts like 2 years ago.I knew I wanted to be in the arts profession. I’m so into films and I just found out that there is a film school in Cebu where they offer just 1 whole year course on film making and movie production. Or a painter. I have always wanted to be a painter. I could have honed my talent and make good of it. I should’ve been doing something I at least like right now.

Instead, I spent 7 useless years in college just to have a degree that would eventually allow me to get a job to do what? To do the things I never actually learned in school. There is no aspect in my education that applies in my work. And I don’t see any thing in any way that any of my lessons in school be applied at work. Those theories are bull crap. They just made my school experience hell. Oh, and don’t even get me started with professors power tripping!I swear that school is no better than a place just for friendships to be formed. I guess that is the only positive thing I can take from it. But other than that, NOTHING else. People invest so much in ‘education’ but in reality, there is really no learning happening. Or at least nothing that can be applied once you face the real world.

All I am saying is that school is not for everybody. Good for those people who excel in school and actually create good future for themselves because of their education. But not everybody wants to be stuck in a room with a teacher who does not really impart anything valuable, useful.Perhaps the very reason I just sucked it up and continued on with my ‘education’ is that it will make my folks proud. But I just realized that there are so many options out there these days that we shouldn’t just limit ourselves to the tradition.

I guess I’m just really frustrated today because my life simply does not have any direction. I have given education the benefit of the doubt that maybe it can take me somewhere {good} that I never imagined. But by the way things are going, I can already tell.You see, I have a job but I am not completely happy with it or at least excel in it. And I am sure with my next job and the job after that, I’d be just the same. Life was never meant to be lived just to work in a cubicle 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. Or managing a business 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Dammit, life should not be about work! Life should not be about finding the “right” job that you are gonna do for most of your life!

But I’m just afraid I will get stuck in this cycle that I might lose my mind in the end.I am extremely unhappy and frustrated right now. I’m already 26, though that’s relatively young still, but I haven’t really done anything major or significant in my life. I feel like I am in this hole that I will never get out of. I feel like I’m running out of time. It’s like I’m on a treadmill running and trying to run even faster but I don’t really go anywhere. It gets really tiring feeling like I’m reaching nowhere. The running is so real yet the journey itself is imaginary. I feel like I am a failure.

I am sooooo sick of my life right now and I don’t think that new adventures help either. I seriously need to do some changing with my life. I need a drastic change. A different environment. A whole new life altogether. I want to get rid of any ‘as usuals’ in my life. And I want it as soon as possible. I must do something really brave for once. I can’t be like this for long. I swear if this continues on, I’ll die of depression.

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One comment on “Same shit, different day

  1. biba
    August 1, 2010

    “life should not be about work! Life should not be about finding the “right” job that you are gonna do for most of your life!” -i totally agree.

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This entry was posted on June 21, 2010 by in My Journal and tagged , , , , , .

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